


The Plight of Silas, Cuddles and the Bamon Shipper Squad

by wavesketcher



Series: The Bamon Shipper [2]
Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Funny
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:03:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27306010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wavesketcher/pseuds/wavesketcher
Summary: What happens when Klaus, Elijah, Kai and Stefan, headed by Silas and Miss Cuddles, band together to ensure Bamon are endgame? Answer: chaos. *Crack!fic sequel to 'Stefan The Bamon Shipper'*
Relationships: Bonnie Bennett/Damon Salvatore
Series: The Bamon Shipper [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1993618
Comments: 5
Kudos: 21





	The Plight of Silas, Cuddles and the Bamon Shipper Squad

**A/N: Let’s be real, everything feels a bit shit at the moment so here is some crack!fic madness to cheer us up.**

**P.S This is an extension of my fic Stefan the Bamon shipper – just way more chaotic.**

* * *

“Ahhh, the beach.” Beneath the shadow of a straw hat, Silas takes a long sip of his pina colada. “This is the life.”

“Ain’t it just,” says the furry companion on the lounger next to him.

“Nothing like a relaxing vacation after hard work.”

Miss Cuddles places a paw over the sun and turns to Silas. “We earned it big guy. We earned it.”

“To think that Bamon are now happily together, catching up over all that lost time.”

The bear sighs. “An image for the ages.”

Silas closes his eyes in contentment. “And my less-sexy counter part is finally able to have some peace.”

“Life is gooooood,” Miss Cuddles sings then, a beat later, “I am sweating like a bitch in this fur though.”

“Yeah that must suck.” Silas puts his drink down, squints out at the ocean. “I do miss it though. The thrill of the Bamon chase.”

“Good because I’m going to need your help.”

Silas’ mouth drops. _“Damon?”_

“What are you doing here!?” Miss Cuddles cries, hastily pushing back the bit of stuffing that popped out in her shock.

Damon Salvatore, complete with mirrored aviator glasses and leather jacket (in _fucking 400 degrees heat_ , hashtag just vampire things, clearly) stares down at them both, lips a thin I’m-about-to-drop-some-bad-news line. “You still touch in with everyone?”

Silas’ eyes round. “You mean… the Bamily?”

Damon nods. Gravely. “The one and only.”

Miss Cuddles and Silas exchange glances. It’s been a long time since they’ve called on the help of their fellow shippers and things aren’t exactly amicable at the moment.

“How bad is it?” The bear asks the vampire.

Damon takes off his glasses. “I fucked up guys. Big time.”

“Well that’s a shocker.”

Silas pats the bear’s arm to shush. “Tell us, Damon. We need details.”

The vampire gestures to Silas’ half-drunk cocktail. “I’m gonna need some of that first.”

* * *

Three days later and the pair are staring at a table of biscuits and fruit juice.

“It looks like a fucking AA meeting.”

Silas rolls his eyes. “Oh I’m _sorry_ for making it look welcoming.”

“They’re all like vampires and shit. Why would they want orange juice?”

“People change! Diets change! I don’t know what they’re into these days!”

Miss Cuddles throws her paws in the air. “Okay, okay, _chillax_.”

The witch runs a hand through his wavy locks (accidentally on purpose checking himself out in mirror as he does because, you know, sexy should be admired). “I’m just stressed. Sorry.”

“I know,” she pats his leg. “We all are.”

Damon’s bomb was indeed a big one. Quite catastrophic, really, and it was up to them, and the team, if they agreed, to be the relief aid. One would think a group of supernatural beings would be able to do anything, but Silas had his doubts about this particular problem. Getting Bonnie, who said a very clear ‘no’ to a marriage proposal, to then say ‘yes’ before Damon destroyed Mystic Falls in a no-humanity switcheroo rage (because vampires were so fucking fragile with their emotions) was no simple task.

A sharp knock on the door cuts into his anxiety. Miss Cuddles lifts a brow, like _I’m not opening it, you are_ , and Silas, being the sexy-cool better than Stefan witch he is, simply flexes his fingers.

Elijah Mikaelson stands in the entry way. At least, he thinks it’s Elijah… The dude in front of him is in a hoodie, sweatpants and wearing a _bucket hat_.

They both blink at him for a few seconds before he says, “Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

“Right, sure. Come in… Elijah,” Miss Cuddles says slowly, clearly as discombobulated as Silas feels.

He’s never seen this man not in a suit. In fact, on one of their past escapades, the Original had shown Silas his wardrobe and that was literally all it consisted of. He even had a pyjama version. With a fucking _tie_.

“Er,” Silas begins, watching as the Original swings into the room, a world away from his usual one-hand-in-pocket-stride that Stefan loves so much (yes, he’s noticed the adoring looks his doppelgänger throws the Original’s way), “You seem, er, different.”

Elijah helps himself to an orange juice carton, slurps it up, then crumples the cardboard. “Different how?”

Silas glances at Miss Cuddles, but before they can interrogate the Original further, the door flies open and Kai, looking normal, _thankfully_ , rushes in.

“GUYS! It’s so fucking good to see you!”

_Here we go._

The kid grins at them all, his psycho-eyes sparkling. “You guys don’t know how excited I was when I got the text. Life’s been so borrrrrrinngggg.”

“Without having anyone’s life to ruin?” Miss Cuddles asks sweetly. Silas gives her a poke to behave.

“Hey, I’m a good boy now. Kinda.” He throws a wink at Elijah-not-Elijah, who has uncrumpled the orange carton to inspect the ingredients. _Why?_ “No way! Are these Oreos?”

And Silas can’t help give the bear a prideful smirk at the success of his snack table.

The next person/witch/vampire/literally anything but a bog-standard human to arrive is Klaus. Silas’ favourite person/witch/vampire/literally anything but a bog-standard human in the world.

_Sarcasm._

As usual, Klaus smiles, like the ass he is, waiting to be to invited in. Miss Cuddles does the honours.

“Silas,” he says, stopping in front of him.

“Klaus.”

“Lost any true loves recently?”

“Not that I’m aware of. Been stabbed by any siblings recently? You’re looking a little _ashy_.”

“Boys, boys, please,” Miss Cuddles sighs, pressing her paws on their knees to hold them back.

“Fine. I’ll be kind,” Klaus says (in that extremely unfair accent of his).

“Silas?” The bear lifts a brow at him.

“Fine.”

“Good,” she breaks away from her bridge position between them, “Now that is settled, you wanna tell us what the hell has happened to your brother?”

All eyes in the room turn to Elijah, who has taken off his bucket hat to reveal DREAD LOCKED HAIR.

“Ah yes,” Klaus smirks, “Elijah’s fallen off the – how do I say it – _wagon_.”

“Wait,” Kai says suddenly, “That’s _Elijah_. Bro I thought that was some catering guy.”

Silas gives Miss Cuddles another proud smirk. _AA meeting my ass._

“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t all stare at me like I was some exhibit.”

Kai grins, “Still _sounds_ like Elijah.”

“When you’ve been around for as long as I have, you’ll realise that sometimes you need to reset and change your look.”

Silas folds his arms. “I mean, I’m the oldest here but sure.”

“Yet you spent most of your life in a tomb,” Klaus-the-louse chips in.

"Does it always have to turn into a my dick’s bigger than your dick argument with you two?” Miss Cuddles sighs. “Honestly, where the fuck is Caroline.”

“That would hardly be an argument,” Silas says simply, “I am-” He stops short at the bear’s thundery expression.

The last knock on the door can’t come soon enough. Klaus strides forward to answer it – ready to welcome Caroline with open arms, the fool – but there is no sign of vampire Barbie (he stole that name from Damon, it was catchy), only Stefan. Human Stefan, oh, yeah, there’s their _bog-standard._

“I’m not really supposed to be here,” his mortal counter-part hurries.

Miss Cuddles narrows her glass eyes. “What do you mean?”

“Er,” Stefan runs a hand through his hair _(we do look sexy when we do that),_ “when I got the text, Care kind of made me promise not to come. She says we’ve done enough Bamon and they need to figure this one out for themselves.”

There is a collective gasp of horror.

“Heresy!” Someone shouts.

“Burn her at the stake!”

“Okay, bit far, Kai.”

“Sorry.”

Stefan edges forward, uncomfortable. “I was going to listen, I really was but,” he looks straight into Silas’ eyes with that wild, unhinged desperation they all know so well, “this is true love, this is soul searching, soul finding, and now, soul ripping away. It’s the night and day, it’s that feeling when you stare at the ocean, how small and insignificant, yet wonderfully unique you are, to find that in another person, to lose yourself in another’s soul and discover the meaning of your own… that’s Bamon.”

There is not a dry eye in the room after that speech. Silas can’t deny it, his other self is a born poetic.

“Okay,” Miss Cuddles says, dabbing a paw over her eyes, “Everybody gather round.”

The bear is militarian when it comes to Bamon game-planning. There are blueprints and codes and a pledge they all have to recite (Kai messes it up and the glare he gets is _withering_ ).

“We need to be sneaky this time. Nothing over the top.” She looks pointedly at the corner with Silas, Kai and Klaus.

“We need a little crazy,” Kai protests.

“There’s crazy and there’s _your_ crazy, psycho-freak,” Miss Cuddles snaps, making the kid pout.

“Why doesn’t one of us pretend to seduce Bonnie?” Elijah drawls.

“Good luck in that outfit,” says Klaus.

“I think he looks hot. I mean, er, it suits you. Bro.”

Silas rolls his eyes at Stefan’s complete lack of cool.

“Excuse me, _I_ should seduce Bonnie. I’ve already nearly done it before.”

“Mate, she hates you,” Klaus corrects Kai.

“She hated Damon. Now look…”

“I should be the one to do it,” Klaus says firmly. “No woman can ever resist the accent.”

“I think you’ll find mine is superior, brother,” Elijah says smoothly.

“I think you’ll find you look like a high school drop-out.”

Stefan chews on his lip. “Why do we want to seduce Bonnie again?”

“It makes a lot of sense.”

“Total sense.”

“She’ll realise how she feels for Damon.”

“Yeah, via me.”

The room groans. “Kai, Bonnie would literally fry your ass.”

“Sounds fun.”

“ _Gross.”_

“I’m immortal but this whole conversation is making me want to die.” Everyone turns to look at Silas. _Good_ because these fuckers are idiots. “No-one but Damon Salvatore is seducing Bonnie Bennett.” He stands – asserting his perfect specimen of man, supernatural Madonna-ness, to this room of lesser beings (shit, maybe Cuddles was right about his messiah complex) - and says: “Here’s how it’s going to happen…”

* * *

**A/N: Hope this provided some much needed escapism.**

**Please do review if you want me to continue. Sending love.**


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